glbt with an eating disorder
Name: Which one? I have many. Call me Echo.
Sexual Orientation: Not sure. Not straight! that's for sure.
ED: Anorexic tendencies. And yeah, well, okay, anorexia.
SI?: Yep. Since 11.
When did you start your ed?: Jeebus. 12? I wanna say 12.
Ideal weight: 90.
Hey all, I'm Echo. I guess I started laying off food when I was youngish- after I saw a photo of myself and what my face really looked like. (moon-face)
I yo-yoed for a while, got so where my thighs weren't touching and you could tell I have cheekbones, but then I'd go back up. When I starve myself, I get nauseated, and there's nothing I hate more then puking- so I would give in and eat and stop feeling so sick.
It was always sortof subconcious, but this last fall I actively thought, ''no, skipping all but a couple handfuls of veggies today- need to loose weight'' for about 3 months. The nausea has me back on some food, but it's a restricted diet. I exercised and everything, and I hoped my period would go away, but it didn't- just got irregular. Now I'm scared I'm gonna loose my cheekbones soon, and I'm not really a looker, so..that's a big thing for me.
Also, I have short legs so any extra weight just piles up on my upper thighs and it looks horrible.
No one knows I do this.
I'm scared I'll never be thin.
Sexual Orientation: Unsure, but it's sure as Hell not straight. =P
ED: Ana, former mia, little ed-nos
SI?: Yeah. A lot more when I was younger, but it's flaring up again. Yummy lighter burns.
When did you start your ed?: Probably a couple years ago internally, but it's just recently gotten very active.
Height: 5' 3"
Say something about yourself: I'm really new to Livejournal. I ony joined because I wanted to join communities like this, wherein I could talk to people who understand and don't judge.
I started self-injuring at a young age out of reaction to being raped and not telling anyone about it. My ED tendencies are the ones that have really stuck with me, and the most prevalent ones currently.
Aside from this mopey description, I'm a very happy-ish person. I love to laugh and joke around; everyone that's ever known me swears I'll be a comedian one day--- though I want to be a psychologist (or a clown. I could do both, all Harley Quinn style). That's me, in a nutshell. ^_^
Gender: My gender is fluid. I take comfort in the Genderqueer identity; however, I am trans-identified. It is my hopes and dreams to have top surgery performed and to take hormones. Some mornings I wake up and feel like a beautiful lady. Other days I wake up and feel like a twink of a boy. Most days I feel like I am existing somewhere in the middle, though I recognize the changes I want.
Sexual Orientation: Pansexual
Location: A place between Wonderland and Neverland. On this plane, however, that would be Pennsylvania, United States.
ED: Recovering anoretic/ ED-NOS. I should probably delve into this more.
SI?: I have not self injured in some time; however, I am actually accepting of self injury if it is done in careful thought. I have worked extremely hard to restrain from any impulsive self abuse and have actually incorporated it into my sex life, actually. I identified as a cutter from the time I was eleven or twelve, though I practiced forms of self abuse before that. I eventually began other forms of injury as well. Though it is something I have not experienced in some time, I am not one to say that I have stopped or am recovered from the idea of it. I do not know if I will ever step away from the possibility of me self injuring again.
When did you start your ed?: It has sort of always been with me, to a point. However, I had an immense growth spurt when I was in Middle School which led to its initial development. Watching my breasts and hips develop really frustrated me, for whatever reasons. Well, not whatever reason but the somewhat... obvious reason. Obvious now, as I look back on it. Anyway, when I was in high school I had a boyfriend who basically force fed me daily. I developed really odd tendencies to make me feel better about the fact that I was having all sorts of odd anxieties related to food over that. When I went to college my disordered eating basically flourished, and my eating problems developed into anorexia nervosa. It was dreadful. It continues to be dreadful. However, while in recovery I have reached a stable weigh that, well... of course... I am not happy with. I want to desperately reach 120-125 range without then continuing on with my weight loss/ restricting/ etc. That is the goal anyway... that is my goal. I want to lose weight and not be sick.
Height: 5' 10"
LTG: Maintaining 120-125-ish and being content.
Say something about yourself: I am a super happy vegan!!
Gender: male (ftm) but kind of genderqueer...basically, I don't know. lol.
Sexual Orientation: bisexual
ED: undiagnosed anorexic tendencies
When did you start your ed?: hard to say, but I admitted to myself that I have a problem this past spring
HW: 115 lbs
LW: 96 lbs
CW: not sure, but probably right around 100 lbs
Say something about yourself: I really want to overcome this before it becomes more serious but I don't know where to start. I can't tell anyone I know in real life because I'll sound like a hypocrite. Before I realized I was obsessed with losing weight, I would complain when people accused me of having an eating disorder. I convinced myself that stress was making me not eat. But that doesn't change the fact that I weighed myself constantly and felt victorious whenever the number got lower. This is not normal. I'm contemplating telling one of my best friends soon because I think she'll be the most understanding, but I don't want her to think this is me trying to get attention. Aghh. :/
Age: 18 (19 in November)
Sexual Orientation: Bisexual
Location: Los Angeles
ED: Semi-recovering ana, restricting
SI?: Mostly when I was 13-16. I tried to quit after that, but had a slip up once while I was 17. Twice more when I was 18. My last SI I regret the most. I never want to do anything like it again.
When did you start your ed?: Around two years ago.
LTG: 115lbs perhaps? I'm scared of letting myself sink too far again.. but I keep thinking, "just a little more..."
Say something about yourself: I could write a novel about myself, haha. Maybe I will someday. I'll do my best to keep it short and sweet.
My name is Sam. I'm currently 18 years old. I've been with my lover and partner Lauren (goes by either Lo or Ren) for just short of 3 1/2 years.
I first discovered ana after I'd hit my HW and snapped. I wasn't ana at the time, but slowly over time, I fell deeper and deeper into it. I was 180lbs in February of 2008. 150lbs by August of 2008. 130lbs by January of 2009. And now I'm fluctuating between 122-124, give or take. I promised myself I'd never slip below 120, and my lover, who eventually found out about my eating disorders around March of 2009 (she knew before that something was up, but the facts were solidified at that point) has made me promise not to slip any further than that.
I was fine with being 120-123 or so for awhile. I was starting to like myself more. Then I got sick, and with lack of appetite, slipped down to 118 and as I woke up that morning, I remember feeling SO good, so light, so thin, so happy. I kept staring at myself in the mirror, smiling. It rose way too quickly though, and now I'm 122.. or so my scale says. I think it's lying, but oh well. I feel so fat, so depressed. It's as if that little taste or something more has me addicted, and I want to chase after it.
I've been struggling with my ED for around two years now, give or take. At 130 I thought I'd be happy and for several months I maintained that weight. But ana keeps coming back to me, and every time I look back into my old thinspo folders and read my old posts, I feel the need to go back so badly; I hated it so much, and yet it brought me so much comfort. I'm thinking.. maybe.. maybe I can slip down to 118.. 116.. 115.. maybe Lo won't notice? Maybe I'll be really happy then. Sometimes I think I look good.. but then I go out, and I swear that every girl is so much thinner, so much prettier than me. I'm scared of this, but it wouldn't hurt.. just a little bit.. right?
Thu, Sep. 24th, 2009, 11:02 pm
ED:been diagnosed bulimic and then EDNOS
SI?:used to but not anymore
When did you start your ed?:over 7 years ago
LW:95(of this year)
STG:i dnt know what this stands for but im guessing starting weight which is 118(4weeks ago, been 107 for 2weeks now)
LTG:ill say my goal weight(sorry i dnt know what LTG stands for) 80lbs for now
Say something about yourself:
well im an art major. ive dated guys befor when i was too scared to come out, i cam out this past year and was with this girl whom i absolutely love, but were not together anymore :/
ive been sexually abused multiple times by mulitple guys, and one girl. i also have PTSD becuase some fucking bastart pimp tried to make me a prostitute.
i started restricting and over exercising when i was 12, but after i was raped when i was 15 i became severly bulimic and was throwing up up too 15 times a day. the guy who tried to prostitute me started giving me money for no reason and i kept talking to him for the fact that i needed his money so i could buy food to later throw up. about a year later after my first rape when i was 15 i was hospitalized becuase i had cardiac arethmia due to vomiting too much. i was in treatment for 3months, a year later i was put in treatment again. i was doing alright when i got out, but since the break up with that girl, and loseing my best friend/roommate(and having to move back home) and starting college, i couldnt deal with the stress and now everything within my mind is falling to crap. ive lost 11lbs so far and im slowing gaining some back becuase my school schedule is so fucked that im gone from 11am-10pm, so i tend to eat alot of junk when i get home.
im working on a meal plan for the next few weeks and am hoping to be 95lbs by halloween.
also im trying to become a raw foodist.
okay thats enough about me.
P.S. im really glad there's a community like this.
Sexual Orientation: gay
When did you start your ed?: a few years ago.
Say something about yourself: i would like some new friends, specifically one that will be my ana buddy.. even if no one is really on here :) i'm happy to find others that are similar.
Sexual Orientation: Lesbian
ED: ednos bulimic tendancies and restricting
When did you start your ed: a year ago but before then i would go through phases of subconciously restricting when i was younger
HW: 220 O_o;
Say something about yourself: I love to party?
Current Mood: in pain
Current Music: tragically hip blow at high dough
Name: I'd rather not say
Gender: genderqueer transguy
Sexual Orientation: queer
ED: all over the map
SI?: not for a few years
When did you start your ed?: 12 or 13 for real, kind of before then too
Say something about yourself: not really sure if i'm going to post much at this point, but i'd be interested to meet other people here, especially genderqueer/trans people.